SELLER: Arnold Klein LOCATION: Laguna Beach, CA PRICE: $12,000,000 SIZE: 3,572 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We apologize for not conversing with the kiddies on Friday but Your Mama was stymied by a series of obstinate technical troubles that left us nearly hysterical with frustration and all but dead in the blogging water. Our harrowing computer issues were finally solved by the deft skill of a paid expert but the two day delay means we’re well behind the 8-ball on a number of celebrity real estate tidbits and morsels. We begin our long slog back to currency with an elaborately engineered ocean-front residence in Laguna Beach, CA recently listed with an asking price of $12,000,000 and owned as per property records and previous reports , by well-known and much-beleaguered Beverly Hills cosmetic dermatologist Arnold Klein. Over the course of his near forty year career in the skin biz Mister Klein has nipped, tucked and injected various youth preserving substances into scads and scores of Tinseltown luminaries such as Dolly Parton, Cher, and Elizabeth Taylor. Despite his illustrious career–he bills himself on his website as the “father of modern cosmetic dermatology”–it is his long-standing professional relationship and personal friendship with deceased international superstar Michael Jackson that made Mister Klein a household name, at least amongst tabloid television watcher and gossip glossy readers. Over the last few years Mister Klein has become as if not more (in)famous for his frequent scuttlebutt shit stirring as it relates to Mister Jackson than he ever was as a medical professional. He vociferously rejects any rumors he bears any responsibility for Mister Jackson’s alleged (but rather obvious) drug problems and he’s repeatedly stated he is not to the best of his knowledge the father of two of Mister Jackson’s three children; In 2010 Mister Klein confirmed (and later recanted his confirmation of) an alleged homosexual relationship between Mister Jackson and Jason Pfeiffer, a heavyset dude who once worked for Mister Klein. Mister Klein and Mister Pfeiffer and are currently suing each other amid salacious allegations that include wrongful termination and male prostie procurement. Anyhoo, property records indicate the skin doctor scooped up his Laguna Beach house in January 1993 for $1,300,000. Current listing information shows the architecturally sui generis residence, which juts dramatically out from the cliff to which it cleaves and hovers awkwardly over the sugary sand, was built in 1971, measures 3,572 square feet over three floors and includes a total of 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. A pair of single car garages with shimmering stainless steel doors face front in the gated motor court. where a multi-colored contemporary sculpture signifies the main entrance to the house accessible down a long open corridor and over a short bridge. Inside the main living/dining area has the lightest of beige wall-to-wall carpeting (it may, in fact, be white but we can’t tell), a fireplace with stainless steel chimney breast, over-stuffed white sofas and chairs, and three walls of floor-to-ceiling windows and sliding glass doors that open to a three-sided cantilevered terrace with an undeniably spectacular 270-degree view up and down the rugged, southern California coastline. The room converts to a media room complete with projection equipment and a screen that scrolls down from the ceiling. The kitchen, open to both the living and dining areas has a distinct but well-maintained 1980s vibe with lustrous white tile flooring, gleaming white flat-fronted cabinetry, black marble counter tops, pantry, and a full suite of high-grade but not particularly new appliances that include a trash compactor and a 160-bottle wine cellar. The pale beige (or possibly white) wall-to-wall carpeting continues into the massive, full-floor master suite, divided into a sizable bedroom and living room areas by a free-standing double-sided wood and stainless steel fireplace. Like in the main living/dining area, glass walls provide unobstructed ocean and coastline views and give out to another cantilevered terrace with glass railing. In addition to the glass-block and white-tile bathroom, the master suite also includes a a walk-in closet, dining area, a second ocean-view terrace and a glass-roofed office/gym with retractable sun shade awning. A narrow room affixed to and suspended from the underbelly of the upper two floors contains, as per listing information, a game room and a whole bunch of exercise equipment that from the looks of the zaftig Mister Klein don’t see much use. It’s highly unlikely the very powerful California Coast Commission would allow a house such as this to be sited and built today but current listing information indicates that architectural plans drawn up by maverick-gone-mainstream architect Frank Gehry are available upon request. The listing of this property may or may not have something to do with the fact that Mister Klein filed for personal bankruptcy early in 2011 claiming $3,500,000 in debts and less than $50,000 in assets. A subsequent filing indicates his assets are more considerable than the first filing would suggest and include a total of three luxury residences in California, an extensive collection high-octane artwork that includes works by Warhol, Baldessari, Hockney, Picasso and Gaugin, and a fleet of automobiles that include a Ferrari, Bentley,