Posts Tagged ‘ celebrity ’

John Lasseter at the Golden Globes

January 16, 2012
John Lasseter at the Golden Globes

http://www.youtube.com/v/wwbOoRfnDz0?version=3&f=user_uploads&app=youtube_gdata At the 2012 Golden Globes, Pixar chief creative officer John Lasseter talks to Los Angeles Times reporter Emily Rome about Globes-nominated “Cars 2″ and the studio’s Oscar shortlisted animated short film “La Luna.” Go here to read the rest: John Lasseter at the Golden Globes

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Lakers forward Pau Gasol on facing the Dallas Mavericks, Lamar Odom

January 16, 2012
Lakers forward Pau Gasol on facing the Dallas Mavericks, Lamar Odom

http://www.youtube.com/v/__ggXy1EQxU?version=3&f=user_uploads&app=youtube_gdata Lakers forward Pau Gasol on facing the Dallas Mavericks, Lamar Odom Read the original post: Lakers forward Pau Gasol on facing the Dallas Mavericks, Lamar Odom

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Chris Colfer at the 2012 Golden Globes

January 16, 2012
Chris Colfer at the 2012 Golden Globes

http://www.youtube.com/v/k1T8unJnH-0?version=3&f=user_uploads&app=youtube_gdata Chris Colfer talks to LA Times reporter Amy Kaufman at the 2012 Golden Globes. Continue reading here: Chris Colfer at the 2012 Golden Globes

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Angelina Jolie at the 2012 Golden Globes

January 16, 2012
Angelina Jolie at the 2012 Golden Globes

http://www.youtube.com/v/tTvpFDSzjkg?version=3&f=user_uploads&app=youtube_gdata Angelina Jolie talks to reporters at the 2012 Golden Globes. Here is the original post: Angelina Jolie at the 2012 Golden Globes

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R&B Artist R. Kelly Lists Suburban Chicago Mansion

December 14, 2011
R&B Artist R. Kelly Lists Suburban Chicago Mansion

SELLER: R. Kelly LOCATION: Olympia Fields, IL PRICE: $1,595,000 SIZE: 22,000 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 8 full and 6 half bathrooms YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Word slipped down the Chicago celebrity real estate gossip grapevine this week that native Chicagoan R&B singer/songwriter R. Kelly–née Robert Sylvester Kelly–has officially placed his mega-mansion in suburban Olympia Fields, IL on the market as a short sale with an asking price of $1,595,000. Our brief and entirely unscientific research on the interweb informs us that Mister Kelly has a number of notable professional accomplishments that include three Grammy awards. He has also written and/or remixed songs for a long list of music industry superstars such as Luthor Vandross, Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, Michael Jackson, Usher, Mary J. Blige and the Jennifers Hudson and Lopez. However, iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–we’d confess to the children that we wouldn’t know an R. Kelly ditty if it chewed the leg from our body and, in fact, before this morning just about the only thing we previously knew of Mister Kelly is that some years ago he was indicted on a slew of lurid charges related to a video tape that (allegedly) showed him as he fornicated with and peed on a minor female. Mister Kelly declared his innocence, the young female came out and said the activities were consensual, the case eventually went to trial, and in June 2008 a jury determined Mister Kelly was not guilty on all 14 counts . Case closed. Anyhoo, the affluent Olympia Fields community sits about 45 minutes by car due south of downtown Chicago and a short sale, for any real estate neophytes who somehow don’t already know, means Mister Kelly owes more on the property than it’s currently worth. Although Mister Kelly only recently put his big ol’ crib on the market he did not just get on this-here real estate merry-go-round. Over the summer (2011) it was revealed a lender initiated foreclosure proceedings after Mister Kelly stopped making payments on a $2,900,000 mortgage he secured with his celebrity-style estate. At the time Mister Kelly it was reported the entertainer’s failure to make mortgage payments was likely an executed strategy designed to induce the lender to renegotiate the loan. We’re not sure if the strategy worked but as far as we can tell Mister Kelly still holds the deed on the property, which indicates the foreclosure was not finalized. Property records and previous reports on the matter indicate Mister Kelly purchased the property in 1997 and custom-built (or custom-finished) the architecturally uncatagorizable stone, stucco and wood-accented mega-mansion. The approximately 22,000 square foot beast–the Cook County Assessor, for what it’s worth, shows it as 11,140 square feet with a 2011 market value of $3,357,700–sits towards the back of six-ish fully-landscaped acres behind towering wrought iron and stone gates and 12-foot concrete-encased fencing. Inside there are, as per listing information, all the expected formal and informal lounging and entertaining areas as well as 4 fireplaces, half a dozen bedrooms, and 8 full and 6 half bathrooms, a count that ensures Mister Kelly requires a full-time minimum wage crapper cleaner. Listing photos that depict the mansion’s vast innards are few (fuzzy and ill-framed) but we do catch a glimpse or two of a rather colossal kitchen complex with u-shaped center island/snack counter, top-grade commercial-style appliances, very ordinary beige tile floors and a soaring ceiling criss-crossed by heavy wood beams coarsely draped with hundreds if not thousands of twinkling white Christmas lights. Listing photos also show snippets of a wood-floored double-height family room with adjoining home theater space as well as a wee-looking wood-paneled room with fireplace which is probably the library but since we don’t see any books (or bookshelves) we can’t say for sure. The humongous but otherwise stylistically ho-hum home’s undisputed defining moment would surely be the truly troubling and

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UPDATE: Sue Mengers House Sells

December 12, 2011
UPDATE: Sue Mengers House Sells

SELLER: estate of Sue Mengers BUYER: Allen and Deborah Grubman LOCATION: Beverly Hills, CA PRICE: currently unknown YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It was only a few short weeks ago that Your Mama and just about every other celebrity real estate and/or property gossip went bat shit crazy about the legendary John Elgin-Woolf-designed Beverly Hills, CA residence of recently deceased Hollywood über-agent Sue Mengers. The house, a touchstone of high-Hollywood real estate if there ever was one, was listed (mostly) to architectural oohs and aahs with an asking price of $4,995,000 just a few short weeks after the kaftan-clad pint-size dynamo went to meet her maker in mid-October 2011. The somewhat out-dated, old-school and divinely enigmatic property, according to the New York Post , has been sold to New York City-based law man Allen J. Grubman and his wife Deborah Grubman, a superstar slinger of swanky New York City condos, co-ops and townhouses. The sale price was not reported but Your Mama hears from an usually very well-informed Bev Hills real estate mover and shaker that Mister and Missus Grubman paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $6,500,000 for the single-story abode situated in a prime neck of the Beverly Hills woods just above Sunset Boulevard and–super conveniently–an easy stumble and bumble to the various hooch and food emporiums at the Beverly Hills Hotel . Miz Mengers , a star in her own right, purchased the house in the spring of 1988 and spent the better part of the last 20-some years kibitzing with everyone who is (or was) anyone in Showbiz. As far as we know, which is nothing, none of the Kardashians ever kibitzed with Miz Mengers but Fran Lebowitz, Barry Diller, Tina Fey, Warren Beatty and Angelica Huston, Elton John, Sidney Poitier, and Jennifers Lopez and Aniston did , to name just a few. The very modestly-scaled by Beverly Hills standards house

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Vice Mayor Talks JPA, Metro and Pensions

December 6, 2011

Dr. William Brien was elected to the City Council in 2009 and is now serving his rotation as the vice mayor. Before that he was on the Recreation and Parks Commission and Beverly Hills Unified School District Board of Education.  Civic duties aside, Brien is an orthopedic surgeon at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. He is the hospital’s executive vice chairman of the department of surgery and the director of the Cedars-Sinai Orthopedic Center. He is also a former Cedars-Sinai chief of staff.  A lifelong Beverly Hills resident, Brien attended Hawthorne and Beverly Hills High. His four children have also attended city schools.  Patch recently met with the vice mayor for some coffee and conversation. In part one of our interview with Brien, we discussed the Joint Powers Agreement and negotiations with the school board, the possibility of a subway tunnel going under the city’s only high school and future plans regarding the pensions of Beverly Hills employees. Beverly Hills Patch: What is the status of the latest Joint Powers Agreement , a four-year contract in which the city pays the school district for access to school facilities?  Vice Mayor William Brien: The end goal is to come up with a funding formula that can be supportive of the schools and also makes sense for the city.  I don’t think the concept of major reductions that meet the other percentages of reductions we’ve had will occur. We recognize the value of the school facilities and also the need that the school kids and district have. What the final funding number will be, I don’t know yet. We need to sit down and get into some of the details with the school district … what their expectations are … in terms of access and use, and what’s going to be available. But I don’t foresee major reductions in this. And certainly we’ll work together to protect the kids in this district … that’s really what we want to make sure we do here. Patch: What are the city’s next steps in opposing a Metropolitan Transportation Authority subway tunnel from going under Beverly Hills High School ? Brien: The reviews that came out basically said [Metro staff] believe that there was a significant safety risk on Santa Monica Boulevard , and there was not a significant safety risk from an earthquake—in geotechnical and seismologic standpoints—from going under the high school. The staff will make their recommendation to the [Metro board of directors] and I’m sure their recommendation will be under the high school. Then it will be up to the Metro board members to decide whether or not they believe that that’s the right thing to do or not. And we’ll see what they have to say on that. I think from the standpoint of the city and school district, I believe that all of us have been unanimous in opposing the subway going under Beverly Hills High School. I believe that there is a reasonable alternative still on Santa Monica. I don’t know whether it’s unsafe or less safe, and whether or not something can be built structurally sound and made as safe with additional dollars if it goes down Santa Monica. I think those are the things that we need to look at. If it’s totally unsafe on Santa Monica, I would not support building it in that area.  Patch: Will the City Council and the BHUSD school board join together in an effort to stop Metro from tunneling under BHHS?  Brien: I think that we as a city and a school district need to put aside the past rhetoric —because that’s what it was—and actually start looking at the science that was put out and see whether or not the reports are scientifically accurate, factual and really represent the risk or not to the Santa Monica alignment. I think that that’s our job to do now.  We actually have data and I’ve said from the beginning I want to see the data. I want to look at this in a scientific way and I want to make that assessment—still opposing going under the high school—but I wanted to see that data and I think that that’s the way you make good decisions. I think that the rhetoric was dismissive and unfortunately unnecessary, and yet we were all saying we don’t want it under the high school. Just some of our voices were not being heard no matter how many times we said that. In the end we now will put together a working group. Council member [Lili] Bosse and I will be looking at this and we will be reaching out to the school board and they will decide who’s going to liaison with us, if they want to liaison with us, and then we’re going to come up with a plan to jointly review [Metro’s] information, I hope.  I think the community needs to be able to understand our assessment of Metro’s data. Then we’ll be able to better assess what our options are, whether the final EIR [Environmental Impact Report] is appropriate or not and if there are issues, demand that those issues be addressed.  Patch: How much money is Beverly Hills willing to spend to stop a subway from going under the high school?  Brien: When you look at these types of issues, No. 1, you identify what your options are. And our options are, not being the decision maker, to oppose things. You have to look at the rationale of how you’re going to oppose that and what is the most successful way by which you can win. Some of that may be based on science, some of that may be based on challenging components of the final EIR. Some of that may be political. You look at all of those and you see which way you can best accomplish what the goal is, which is to not have a tunnel under the high school.  At the end of the day you have to do an assessment on how much it would cost and what your chances are to win. At that point you make a decision how much you’re willing to expend. We’re going to spend money on this but at the end of the day, if the court system rules against our wishes and in favor of Metro’s, if that ends up being under the high school, then you start to run out of options.  The other issue here though is they don’t have federal funding yet. We’ll see if it happens. To throw away precious school dollars, building dollars, dollars for kids … for the city to spend precious dollars taking away from critical city services—because we’ve made a lot of cuts over the last few years, and any more cuts do affect city services—you’ve got to weigh that in terms of whether or not you even need to spend at all right now.  Patch: What is the status of pension plans for city employees? Brien: With regards to pensions, some of it is actually negotiated; some of it is governed by state law through CalPERS and is controlled by the state Legislature. Some things that we might as a city want to change, and maybe even some of our colleagues in the different unions in the city might even agree to change, sometimes you can’t change it because state law trumps that and there’s legislative control over that. I do think that in general, in the state of California locally and in cities around Beverly Hills, people have looked and basically said the current pension structure over the long term is not sustainable for municipalities, for counties and for the state.  I think that you have to have some pension reform, and that’s OK.   The reality is we need to find, working with our unions, a way to … sustain pensions for our employees that are retired, our employees that are here today and employees that come in the future—in a way that doesn’t bankrupt the city in the next 20 or 30 or 40 years. A dollar saved today has a profound impact over 40 years’ time in the city.  What can change going forward for people within [current pension plans] is contribution—the employee contribution can change. And that can impact them. If you take 1 percent employee contribution, where right now the city or municipality is providing all 9 percent of it, that in essence is a 1 percent decrease in [employee] take-home pay because they’re putting money towards their retirement. This interview has been edited and condensed. Be sure to follow Beverly Hills Patch on  Twitter  and “Like” us on  Facebook . More here: Vice Mayor Talks JPA, Metro and Pensions

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Pinkberry Pashas List Modern Malibu Pad

December 6, 2011
Pinkberry Pashas List Modern Malibu Pad

SELLERS: Shelly Hwang and Young Lee LOCATION: Malibu, CA PRICE: $3,495,000 SIZE: 4,799 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In the mid-Naughts Korean American entrepreneur Shelly Hwang and her boyfriend/architect Young Lee set out to open a tiny tea parlor in a centrally located residential section of West Hollywood, CA. Alas, the city put the ix-nay on the tea parlor after neighbors rejected their attempt to secure a booze license. Probably they were devastated at the rejection of their hooch-selling application but the repudiation became the catalyst for their bazillion dollar Plan B: a colorful, new-fangled sort of frozen yogurt shop called Pinkberry that offered a limited number of (mostly tart) flavors and a limited number of (mostly fruit and cereal) toppings at premium prices. Almost overnight the small store became a huge hit amongst all the scores and scads of Angelenos who didn’t even know they ached so intensely for a lip-pursingly tart frozen treat. Much to the chagrin of the store’s residential neighbors, chattering crowds over-whelmed the narrow street where cold snack-seeking hordes double- and triple-parked their cars and waited in line for 20, 30 and sometimes 40 minutes for taste of the somewhat icy and decidedly sour substance. The instant frenzy brought extra police to manage the swarms and meter maids to ticket the illegally-parked vehicles. Within a few short years–and the help of a near $25,000,000-plus investment by Starbucks founder Howard Schultz’s venture capital fund–perky Pinkberry stores filled with glossy white tables and multi-colored Philippe Starck-designed Ghost chairs began to pop up all over southern California and New York. Natch, Pinkberry being a phenomena that started in southern California, dressed down stars of all stripes soon began to appear in all the celebrity rags, tabs, blogs and gossip glossies spooning Pinkberry into their manicured mouths. A 2007 report in Fortune magazine revealed that the first Pinkberry store turned a profit after just four months and that with an average purchase price of $5.50 a typical store doing 1,500 servings a day could easily bring in a quarter million dollars or more in revenue per month. The near instant and continued success of Pinkberry has allowed Miz Hwang and Mister Lee to adopt and maintain a swanky lifestyle that encompasses fancy cars and a very contemporary multi-million dollar residence in Malibu, CA they recently heaved on to the market with an asking price of $3,495,000. Property records show the Pinkberry pashas only acquired the boxy and glassy residence situated high on a steep hillside above Surfrider beach in August 2008. The house was designed and built by minimal-minded Santa Monica-based architect Steve Kent who originally planned to live in the cliff-cleaving crib with his family. However, as was reported in a 2009 article in the Wall Street Journal , the newly-minted Pinkberry moguls finagled a tour of the then-not-quite-completed house and instantly made a substantial offer that would have been foolish for the architect to refuse. Records show Miz Hwang and Mister Lee coughed up $3,525,000 for crisp and clean-lined dwelling that according to current listing information, “includes membership to the new private, gated section of Rambla Pacifica,” whatever that means. Your Mama gave the well-worn beads of our long-suffering abacus a few flicks and clicks we quickly calculated the $3,525,000 purchase price converts to approximately 1,007,143 medium-sized original flavor Pinkberry servings (without topping) at $3.50 per serving . At it’s current listing price of $3,495,000, Miz Hwang and Mister Lee stand to lose $30,000 on the sale of their Malibu residence not counting carrying costs, improvement, and real estate fees. That’s about 12,000 small-sized original flavor Pinkberry servings (sans topping) at $2.50 apiece. Listing information shows the sleek house measures 4,799 square feet over three floors with a total of 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. The main floor of the house lays out in one open sweep of airy space with chocolate brown-stained hardwood floors, luminous white walls, and a long row of floor-to-ceiling sliding glass doors that open to a long, cantilevered balcony with knee-buckling views and up and down the coast. A free-standing double-sided fireplace separates the living room from the dining room that itself blends seamlessly into the sybaritic (and hideously expensive) Boffi-brand kitchen complete with dual Sub-Zero frefrigerator/freezers, separate wine fridge, and an integrated Miele-brand coffee maker. A lower level media room, where Mister Lee reportedly plays a lot of video games on a 65-inch Bang & Olufsen flat-screen tee-vee our internet research reveals costs around $35,000. No puppies, that’s not a mis-print that’s $35,000 just for the damn television set. We calculate that Mister and Missus Pinkberry had to sell about 5,385 large-sized pomegranate flavor Pinkberries (without topping) at $6.50 a pop to pay for the boob-toob. Other high-tech convenience, amenities and luxuries include Toto-brand bidet toilets, an integrated FiOS system, central vacuum, and indoor and outdoor areas wired for sound. Although the house is perched and a rather precipitous slope the architect and engineers managed to squeeze out a fairly good-sized and pancake flat back/side yard shielded from the street by mature shade trees and divided in to a generous grass patch and a wide, ocean-view deck dotted with multi-colored and very modern outdoor furniture pieces. Apropos of nothing related to the real estate, listing photographs show a pair of late-model, his-and-her Rolls Royce’s parked in the driveway in front of the frosted glass garage doors deeply set into a chunky mass sheathed in extra-wide-plank, horizontally installed wood paneling. One, a gigantic 4-door Phantom sedan, has a mind-numbing base price of about $380,000–about 84,000 medium-sized green tea flavor Pinkberry servings (without topping) at $4.50 per serving–and the other, a 2-door Phantom Coupé, carries base price of $408,000, about 82,000 medium-sized original flavor Pinkberry servings (with topping) at $4.95 per serving. listing photos: Coldwell Banker Malibu Colony Link: Pinkberry Pashas List Modern Malibu Pad

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Garry Marshall at the "New Year’s Eve" premiere

December 6, 2011
Garry Marshall at the "New Year’s Eve" premiere

http://www.youtube.com/v/bkVIUn4y5ec?version=3&f=user_uploads&app=youtube_gdata Garry Marshal talks to LA Times reporter Amy Kaufman at the premiere of “New Year’s Eve.” Read more here:

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The Real Estate Tale of Amar’e Stoudemire: Part I

November 29, 2011
The Real Estate Tale of Amar’e Stoudemire: Part I

BUYER: Amar’e Stoudemire LOCATION: Southwest Ranches, FL PRICE: $3,700,000 SIZE: 14,555 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms (total) YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Before any of y’all get to sassin’ do hear this: Your Mama well knows we are tardy to this here celebrity property party. None-the-less, we think can offer, in our shamelessly and shamefully wind-baggish two-part series, a more complete picture of the real estate picture of New York Knick Amar’e Stoudemire who has been on a bone fide real estate tear this year that includes the recent purchase of a $3,700,000 (mc)mansion in the quasi-rural suburbs between Fort Lauderdale and Miami, FL. In early November 2011 there was bit of business in the New York Post about professional basketballer Amar’e Stoudemire putting the squeeze on his pocketbook due (in part, so goes the report) to the recent ( and now tentatively ended ) NBA lock-out, an event Your Mama does not know a damn thing about other than it means the 2011-12 season has been on hold while the players and the owners duke it out in mediation, adjudication, arbitration or whatever it is people do in big time labor disputes. It should surprise few that Your Mama had never heard of Amar’e Stoudemire–’tis entirely true–and we certainly hadn’t (and haven’t) an iota why such a daring and unexpectedly placed apostrophe dissevers his name. We took a half-hearted moment to peruse the piece in the Post and quickly scampered along without giving neither his name nor his financial matters another thought. A few weeks later along came gossip juggernaut TMZ who dropped a humid real estate nugget about this Amar’e Stoudemire person splashing out $3,700,000 to purchase a prodigious mansion in some place called Southwest Ranches, FL. That seemed to Your Mama like a pretty big purchase price for a place in sub-prime mortgage ravaged Florida that we’ve never heard of before. Our interest piqued and prodded we did some research on Mister Stoudemire that included a look-see at his recent real estate activities, which, as it turns out, have been prolific if quite costly for the highly-compensated professional dribbler. With all due respect for our scuttle butting compadres at TMZ , we discovered Mister Stoudemire’s real real estate story isn’t only about the gigantic, garish and architecturally suspicious (mc)mansion he bought in Southwest Ranches, FL for $3,700,000 but rather the several millions of dollars he’s lost on the significant number of other properties he’s recently dumped from his once-considerable property portfolio. Before we delve in to that bit of real estate bidness, let’s do the right thing and cover our celebrity real estate bases–or goal posts or whatever they have in basketball–and quickly educate the less athletically inclined puppies about just who this unusually named Amar’e Stoudemire person is and why he qualifies to be included in our (admittedly not very exclusive) celebrity real estate sights. Besides tennis and curling, as all the children know, Your Mama doesn’t know a solitary thing about sports, partick the golden triad of organized, American-style professional athletics: football, baseball and basketball. Having no recognition, recollection and/or knowledge whatsoever of just what makes Amar’e Stoudemire sports-world famous we picked up our Princess phone and dialed up our ball crazy b.f.f. Fiona Trambeau who, after shaking of her mid-day boozy-wooze with a few gargled shrieks, informed us Mister Stoudemire is a “quite young, sensationally strapping and deliciously tatted up cup of steaming hot chocolate who can handle [my] her basketballs at any time and at any place of his choosing.” She implored Your Mama, in fact, to post her mobile phone number here so Mister Stoudemire could contact her directly and–natch–we told her we would but only so as to get her to shut her lascivious trap and move on to the meat of the matter, so to speak. Of course, we have no intention of posting Miss Trambeau’s ring-a-ling digits. Your Mama could not in a thousand years subject just any curious person who might make an impromptu call to the often agitated, always saucy (and usually sauced up) Fiona Trambeau. Our Fiona would probably pee with glee were Mister Stoudemire to actually ring her telephone bell but–trust chickens–that crafty beehawtch would figure out a way to transmit mortal violence through the phone wires were just any ol’ person who isn’t Mister Stoudemaire to call because they thought it would be cute to chat up Fiona Trambeau. Besides, she’ll never read this. Fiona does do celebrities but she absolutely does not do celebrity real estate, so she’ll never know. She’s probably already forget she asked us to post the damn number anyways. Between a lathered up Fiona Trambeau and a few easily accessed articles on the interweb, we did finally learn all sorts of things including that Mister Stoudemire was a late bloomer to basketball. He only started passing and shooting in organized leagues at age 14. He took to the sport elementally and advanced quickly to become one of the best high-school ball players in all of the state of Florida. It’s not clear to Your Mama if Mister Stoudemire ever finished college or even matriculated and, honestly, either way it’s irrelevant to our tale of real estate highs and lows. What we did confirm is that in 2002, when just a young but tall ball player of 19 or 20 years old, Mister Stoudemire was drafted by the Phoenix Suns for whom he pounded the hardwoods to great acclaim and award with his hard and powerful 6’10″ frame until sometime in 2010. At that point, in early 2010, the accomplished ball player signed the necessary papers to switch his professional affiliations over to the New York Knicks who, according to some reports , were so hot and bothered to sign the then 27 year old 5-time All-Star player they agreed to pony up just shy of $100,000,000 over the course a five year contract. One hundred million dollars, puppies, and that’s not counting the additional multi-millions he can easily rake in each year from endorsement deals and the many more potential millions from his outside-basketball business endeavors that include a record label ( Hypocalypto ) and a recent assist to fashion designer Rachel Roy to create a limited line of ladies clothing described as ” court side apparel for the fashion-forward female .” Now children, Your Mama don’t know a perspiring glass of swate tay from a god damn tater tot but we do know enough about the business of women’s garmentry to make the uneducated judgement that Rachel Roy knows a thing or two about how to dress a gal on the go with a yen for clean-lined sophistication and a modest budget. However, children, in our itty-bitty pea brain, that edging-on-wanton description of the Roy/Stoudemire clothing collaboration describes something rather more dire sounding, an habiliment short on yardage and probably a little bit (too) tight and/or one-sleeved, something that aches to be worn with either a pair of sky-high porn pumps with girlish ankle-socks or some sort of faux-sporty wedge-heeled sneaker-style situation that makes a twisted mockery of both the high heel and the hard working athletic shoe. Anyhoodles poodles, in addition to spending a few million for a new (mc)mansion in Southwest Florida, Mister Stoudemire has recently divested himself of a number of other properties at considerable financial loss, a magnificent sell-off that may (or may not) have something to do with budget concerns. Simmer down, buckaroos. We’re not saying Mister Stoudemire’s broke or anything like that. We certainly ain’t privy to the particulars of Mister Stoudemire’s pocketbook and we make no claims as to his net worth, income and other cash flow, complete list of assets and/or cash reserves (or lack thereof). We’re just saying there sometimes comes a time in a very young and filthy rich man’s life–maybe a time like when an all-but-ruined 2011 season could, by his own account, keep about twenty million George Washingtons from walking their way into his coffers–when it’s prudent and wise to prune the property tree to ease up on the amount of dough required to maintain, make the mortgages and pay the rent on more than half a dozen high-priced properties on both coasts and in between. At one point in the not so distant past, before he acquired the (pseudo-)palatial pile in Southwest Ranches (FL), the property portfolio of the now New York-based power forward and center ballooned with a leased a pied-a-terre in a Donald Trump-developed complex in White Plains, NY (near where the Knicks training grounds are located), a pricy penthouse in downtown Manhattan (NY), and a house in the Hollywood Hills (CA). He also owned a sexed-up penthouse in Miami Beach plus a pair of adjacent condos in a fancy building in Phoenix, AZ as well as three high-priced and high-maintenance single-family (mc)mansions, also in Phoenix. Before we get Mister Stoudemire’s portfolio thinning, let’s first take a brief spin through Mister Stoudemire’s most recent real estate acquisition, the aforementioned mansion in Southwest Ranches, FL he picked up last month for, as per property records and previous reports, $3,700,000. A quick consult with our high-tech atlas shows this Southwest Ranches place is 35 miles northwest of South Beach, 25 miles or so southwest of the beaches of Fort Lauderdale and just a few short miles from where Flahreeduh’s Escalade-saturated suburban civilization turns to the swampy, alligator-infested Everglades. Listing information for sprawling single-story mcmansion shows it sits on 2.33 gated and landscaped acres in the Landmark Ranch Estates enclave, measures in at a considerable 14,555 square feet and includes a total of 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. A dead-straight pavered driveway leads from the street to a perfectly harrowing porte cochere held aloft by six round columns and bizarrely topped by a petite cupola. Etched glass front doors open to a marble-floored foyer that steps down to the formal living room complete with fireplace, built-in bar area, and a swimming pool view from a wall of towering windows. A short corridor off the living room opens to a library, small home office, 4-car garage and the master suite. A butler’s pantry connects the formal dining room to the family quarters, a large laundry room and the colossal kitchen complete with commercial-grade appliances and more faux-antiqued, totally custom, no doubt shockingly expensive, eggshell-colored cabinetry adorned with copious corbels and other carved details than we’ve ever had the misfortune of seeing in one kitchen at one time. A door in the kitchen leads directly into another attached 4-car garage and a wide snack counter separates the kitchen itself from an approximately 800-square foot family room/breakfast area. The adjacent state-of-the-art home theater done up by the sellers–a man who made some of his money selling aggressively banal “art” on cruise ships–like a god damn bordello with blood red shag carpeting, red and black patterned fabric-covered walls, carved wood pilasters and nine jet black recliner-style theater seats with built-in cup holders. We get the desire for decorative drama and a spot of cliché Hollywood glamor in a home movie theater, but lowerd have mercy, no. Three family bedrooms pinwheel around a playroom space and share three bathrooms in a separate wing off the kitchen/family room complex. The master suite occupies it’s own private wing at the opposite end of the house and includes a large bedroom and sitting area with built-in entertainment center, a wall of windows and French doors that open to a covered veranda, two bedroom-sized walk-in closets, a separate exercise room, and a super-sized beige marble bathroom with twin vanities, his and her enclosed crapper cubicles–hers has a bee-day too–and a jetted soaking tub for two and separate

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