Posts Tagged ‘ mama ’

R&B Artist R. Kelly Lists Suburban Chicago Mansion

December 14, 2011
R&B Artist R. Kelly Lists Suburban Chicago Mansion

SELLER: R. Kelly LOCATION: Olympia Fields, IL PRICE: $1,595,000 SIZE: 22,000 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 8 full and 6 half bathrooms YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Word slipped down the Chicago celebrity real estate gossip grapevine this week that native Chicagoan R&B singer/songwriter R. Kelly–née Robert Sylvester Kelly–has officially placed his mega-mansion in suburban Olympia Fields, IL on the market as a short sale with an asking price of $1,595,000. Our brief and entirely unscientific research on the interweb informs us that Mister Kelly has a number of notable professional accomplishments that include three Grammy awards. He has also written and/or remixed songs for a long list of music industry superstars such as Luthor Vandross, Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, Michael Jackson, Usher, Mary J. Blige and the Jennifers Hudson and Lopez. However, iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–we’d confess to the children that we wouldn’t know an R. Kelly ditty if it chewed the leg from our body and, in fact, before this morning just about the only thing we previously knew of Mister Kelly is that some years ago he was indicted on a slew of lurid charges related to a video tape that (allegedly) showed him as he fornicated with and peed on a minor female. Mister Kelly declared his innocence, the young female came out and said the activities were consensual, the case eventually went to trial, and in June 2008 a jury determined Mister Kelly was not guilty on all 14 counts . Case closed. Anyhoo, the affluent Olympia Fields community sits about 45 minutes by car due south of downtown Chicago and a short sale, for any real estate neophytes who somehow don’t already know, means Mister Kelly owes more on the property than it’s currently worth. Although Mister Kelly only recently put his big ol’ crib on the market he did not just get on this-here real estate merry-go-round. Over the summer (2011) it was revealed a lender initiated foreclosure proceedings after Mister Kelly stopped making payments on a $2,900,000 mortgage he secured with his celebrity-style estate. At the time Mister Kelly it was reported the entertainer’s failure to make mortgage payments was likely an executed strategy designed to induce the lender to renegotiate the loan. We’re not sure if the strategy worked but as far as we can tell Mister Kelly still holds the deed on the property, which indicates the foreclosure was not finalized. Property records and previous reports on the matter indicate Mister Kelly purchased the property in 1997 and custom-built (or custom-finished) the architecturally uncatagorizable stone, stucco and wood-accented mega-mansion. The approximately 22,000 square foot beast–the Cook County Assessor, for what it’s worth, shows it as 11,140 square feet with a 2011 market value of $3,357,700–sits towards the back of six-ish fully-landscaped acres behind towering wrought iron and stone gates and 12-foot concrete-encased fencing. Inside there are, as per listing information, all the expected formal and informal lounging and entertaining areas as well as 4 fireplaces, half a dozen bedrooms, and 8 full and 6 half bathrooms, a count that ensures Mister Kelly requires a full-time minimum wage crapper cleaner. Listing photos that depict the mansion’s vast innards are few (fuzzy and ill-framed) but we do catch a glimpse or two of a rather colossal kitchen complex with u-shaped center island/snack counter, top-grade commercial-style appliances, very ordinary beige tile floors and a soaring ceiling criss-crossed by heavy wood beams coarsely draped with hundreds if not thousands of twinkling white Christmas lights. Listing photos also show snippets of a wood-floored double-height family room with adjoining home theater space as well as a wee-looking wood-paneled room with fireplace which is probably the library but since we don’t see any books (or bookshelves) we can’t say for sure. The humongous but otherwise stylistically ho-hum home’s undisputed defining moment would surely be the truly troubling and

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The Mighty Santa Ana Winds Will Be A-Blowin’ This Week

November 30, 2011
The Mighty Santa Ana Winds Will Be A-Blowin’ This Week

‘Tis the season to quote Joan Didion and Raymond Chandler : the National Weather Service tells us that for the next two days there will be something uneasy in the Los Angeles air. The gusty, dry Santa Anas will be returning to Los Angeles tonight. more › Link: The Mighty Santa Ana Winds Will Be A-Blowin’ This Week

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Seasonal Eats: Marvelous Meyer Lemons

November 30, 2011
Seasonal Eats: Marvelous Meyer Lemons

For the first time in awhile, I’ve seen Meyer lemons back at the farmer’s market. Meyer lemons are native to China and thought to be a cross between a true lemon and a mandarin or orange. Brought back from a trip to China by Frank Meyer about 100 years ago, they grow well in warm climates in orchards or garden pots as ornamental trees with a winter seasonality in the California climate. more › Original post: Seasonal Eats: Marvelous Meyer Lemons

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Emeril Lagasse Flips Out in New York City

November 30, 2011
Emeril Lagasse Flips Out in New York City

SELLER: Emeril Lagasse LOCATION: New York City, NY PRICE: $15,000,000 SIZE: 6,900 square feet, 6 full and 2 half bathrooms YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today we’ve opted for reasons well not explain to ride the coat tails of New York Post who appear t o be the first to report that celebrity chef and culinary mini-tycoon Emeril Lagasse has flipped his nicely dressed limestone-clad New York City townhouse on the market with an asking price of $15,000,000. Just because Your Mama ain’t never eaten in one of Mister Lagasse’s eateries, made use of one of his numerous cookbooks, watched a single one of his television programs or purchased any of the many products he endorses does not mean he isn’t a very big fish in the culinary world. In addition to the dozen-plus restaurants he owns and executive chefs, the James Beard Award-winning thrice-married father of four, known for his Cajun and Creole spiced dishes, is a prolific cookbook author, television personality and, probably most lucratively, an eager endorser of a slew of products that range from dry goods (pasta sauces and etc.), to fresh produce, kitchen knives, cookware and electrical appliances. In 2008, the multi-tasking foodie sold the rights to all his various Emeril branded and licensed products (but not his restaurants) in a $50,000,000 deal with Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, a deal that sorta makes him, with all due respect, one of Martha Stewart’s bitches. BAM! Interestingly and although he paid a pretty penny to own a mansion-sized townhouse in Manhattan, as far as Your Mama knows Mister Lagasse does not own a restaurant in New York City instead opting to plant his mostly eponymous professional feet in places like New Orleans, Orlando, Las Vegas and Bethlehem, PA. Some of the children who have long paid rapt attention to the New York City celebrity real estate scene may recall it was only just over two years ago that the puissant hash slinger purchased the fairly recently renovated six-story (plus basement) residence that had a long and arduous listing history. The fine folks at StreetEasy reveal the approximately 18-foot wide townhouse had been on the market since August of 2006 when it showed up with as asking price of $11,250,000, a figure that over the first couple of years, as the soup-to-nuts renovation progressed, climbed to $14,995,000. After a year at that number, the price tag plummeted to $12,995,000 and three weeks after that it dropped dramatically again to $11,500,000. Mister Lagasse soon moseyed along and paid the full asking price. A quick and entirely unscientific comparison of current listing photos with listing photos from the time of his acquisition indicate Mister Legasse hasn’t made many (if any) significant alterations to the the townhouse so we’re not quite sure what warrants the $3,500,000 increase in price/value but we’ll let all y’all New York City property experts duke that one out in the comments iffin you so chose. The symmetrical Georgian style townhouse, originally erected in 1910, has an all-new Indiana limestone front facade that towers over a small planted garden that separates the busy city street from the front door that opens into a windowed entry vestibule with dual coat closets. The intimate vestibule opens into a grand, marble floored foyer with heated limestone floor and antique marble fireplace. At the rear of the residence on the street/entry level a full-width eat-in kitchen has a radiant heated floor that makes Your Mama’s cold-blooded house gurl Svetlana ache with envy, walls lined with custom walnut cabinetry, a Chevy-sized Carrara marble-topped center island lit by a glitzy chandelier, two side-by-side Sub-Zero fridge/freezers, commerical-grade range with double over, a 150-bottle wine fridge, walk-in pantry, and a wide bank of open and glass-fronted shelves for displaying cook books and other culinary knick-knacks and gew-gaws. The kitchen is open to and steps down to an informal dining room with herringbone patterned oak floors, a built-in banquette opposite a marble-columned built-in entertainment center, and a wall of windows and French doors that open out to a fully landscaped formal garden with outdoor dining table. The fully-finished basement level, accessible only by stair and not by elevator, contains a playroom/gym, full bathroom, laundry room with sink, multiple utility and mechanical closets and a wood-paneled temperature controlled wine cellar that even the fussiest sommelier swoon with oenophilic aphrodisia. The parlor floor, one floor up from the street/entry level, has regal 14-foot ceilings and a discreet wet bar with built-in ice maker tucked off the center all where it’s easily accessible from the both the formal dining and living room. In the north facing dining room, located so far from the kitchen a hot meal could easily go luke warm in transit, there’s an antique marble fireplace, a trio of windows with street view, luscious herringbone patterned oak flooring, a brassy-looking crystal chandelier huge far too high–it should be no more than 36″ from the top of the table–and a beautifully articulated ceiling with wide moldings and quatrefoil detailing that we can only hope was rendered in plaster. The rich-looking herringbone patterned hardwood floors extend into the sizable but not baronial south facing formal living room that features yet another antique marble fireplace plus a wall of windows and French doors that open to a narrow terrace that overlooks the backyard. The full-floor master suite encompasses a sunny south facing bedroom with fireplace and French doors to deep private terrace, two walk-in closets plus a custom-fitted dressing room, and a bedroom-sized bathroom with yummy heated floor, Carrara marble accents, a free-stranding Agape soaking tub, separate step-in steam shower, double sinks, and an enclosed terlit cubicle with window for p.p.p. That is, as so-labeled by one of the children, proper pooper placement. Each of the two floors directly above the master suite encompass two bedrooms with private facilities. One floor has a convenient kitchenette

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Temple City woman charged with fake terrorist threat at LAX

November 27, 2011

In an effort to get back at her French boyfriend, a Temple City woman is suspected of calling authorities and suggesting the man and his companions – all of whom bear Arabic surnames – posed a threat to passengers aboard a flight leaving LAX. Go here to see the original: Temple City woman charged with fake terrorist threat at LAX

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Pam Anderson Puts Malibu Beach House Up for Rent

November 27, 2011
Pam Anderson Puts Malibu Beach House Up for Rent

OWNER: Pam Anderson LOCATION: Malibu, CA PRICE: $20,000/week or $75,000/month SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms (plus a backyard wigwam) YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A little birdie out in the Bu came chirp-chirping along this morning to let Your Mama know that bodacious (h)actress Pam Anderson has put her recently completed ” Romantic Malibu Beach House ” up for lease on the Vacation Rental By Owner website (VRBO) at the sky-high but not unheard for Malibu rates of $20,000 per week or $75,000 per month. Back in the fall of 2009 there were scads of scandalous reports that Miz Anderson–then living in Malibu’s trendiest trailer park while her house in the Colony was under (re-)construction–had fallen on hard financial times and didn’t have the dough-re-mi to complete the multi-million dollar renovations. Miz Anderson admitted she was in dispute with a number of subcontractors who filed legal claims over unpaid bills for work they performed at the residence but denied the issue wasn’t whether she could afford to pay the bills or not, but rather whether the bills were fair and accurate. A personal note from Miz Anderson on the VRBO listing declares the curvaceous sexpot and mother of two is “willing to share her [my] masterpiece” in Malibu because she’s “traveling so much these days” and “enjoying a lot more time in her [my] native Canada.” Listing information shows the teak-sided and pet-friendly contemporary sits on the landward-side of the guard-gated and celebrity stocked Malibu Colony enclave, includes 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms and was decorated by Miz Anderson herself. Given that the listing photos are so high contrast and bizarrely blown out Your Mama’s boozy eyeballs cain’t make heads or tails of the interior spaces other than to say that white appears to be the dominant color, if white can indeed be a color. A discreet gate at the street leads to a small front courtyard where listing information states an “ultra-wide swinging door” opens to the teak-floored open-plan interior spaces that include an airy living room with fireplace, baby grand piano and massive sliding glass doors that when open obliterate the division between indoors and out. The well-equipped kitchen has high-grade appliances and push activated cabinets and drawers. A teak staircase climbs to the second floor where two guest/family bedrooms each have computer desks, flat screen HD tee-vees with surround sound and wireless Apple systems. The bedrooms share a bathroom with steam shower. The master suite, also on the second floor, has a white marble wood-burning fireplace, burled wood closet doors, a wall of sliding windows that open to a large private deck that overlooks the backyard swimming pool and mountains. The bedroom is open to the bathroom just in case anyone wants to watch their bed-mate bathe in the free standing soaking tub that’s plainly visible from the bedroom. There’s also a glass-enclosed shower, detoxifying Finnish sauna equipped with tee-vee–what wants to watch the damn news or reality television while taking a sauna?–and a long vanity with plenty of room for perfumes and make-up applications. A private staircase accessible only through the master bedroom climbs up to a roof terrace with poured concrete fireplace, views over the Malibu Lagoon and media mogul Jerrold Perenchio’s private golf course. A deep deck with a ” green egg charcoal barbecue “extends off the rear of the residences main floor and surrounds a saltwater swimming pool with swim-up wet bar. The backyard also has a “huge tipi”–whatever that is–fig and avocado trees, a vegetable and herb garden, and a wigwam. That’s right, a wigwam. Other amenities include two-car enclosed garage, direct and nearby access to one of the most prized (and all but private) stretches of sand in all of Malibu, celebrity-style security complete with closed-circuit cameras, WiFi, an integrated home theater system and a high-tech home automation system controlled by custom remotes and iPads set into flush-mounted iPorts. The high monthly price covers housekeeping services and a vegetarian chef can be added for additional charges. listing photos: Vacation Rental By Owner Link: Pam Anderson Puts Malibu Beach House Up for Rent

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Happy Thanksgiving…

November 24, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving…

…From Your Mama, the Dr. Cooter, our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, our mean ol’ pussy Sugar and a few classic mid-century modern houses in Palm Springs.

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k.d. lang lists long time laurel canyon crib

November 15, 2011
k.d. lang lists long time laurel canyon crib

SELLER: k.d. lang LOCATION: los angeles, ca PRICE: $1,975,000 SIZE: 2,968 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms YOUR MAMAS NOTES: much to your mama’s surprise, much lauded and deservedly applauded 4-time grammy-winning canadian-born crooner k.d. lang has long lived in a modest, rustic-modern, quasi-craftsman ranch-style residence above los angeles’ laurel canyon. it seems, however, she’s ready to move on because the thickly-treed and privately situated hillside property was listed this week with an asking price of $1,975,000. property records we peeped are a bit unclear but it appears to your mama that miz lang, an out lesbian, staunch animal right activist, and practicing buddhist who often but not always articulates the spelling of her name in all lower case letters à la idiosyncratic poet e.e. cummings, acquired her laurel canyon crib in early 1999 for an unknown amount of money. miz lang occupies the premises, as far as we know, with her also buddhist lady-mate of 10 or so years jamie price. after buying the .36 acre spread miz lang had the interiors of the cabin-ish crib worked over in the late 1990s by then l.a.- now new york- and paris-based interior designer valerie pasquiou who has also done up day-core for other tinseltowners and high profile peeps such as sitcom star lisa kudrow ( web therapy, friends ), her hollywood highness sharon stone, fashion photographer turned handbag and shoe designer monica botkier , fashion executive serge azria, design writer and editrix extraordinaire sue hostetler , well-connected french comedienne and movie star michèle laroque, and motion picture literary agent robert bookman who lives in a roland coate-designed spanish hacienda-style mansion once owned by reclusive billionaire howard hughes in los angeles’ affluent hancock park ‘hood. miz pasquiou’s own chic, cozy and all but undecorated tin-roofed loft apartment in new york city’s soho neighborhood was photographed for loft life in early 2009. miz lang’s laurel canyon hideaway was photographed for metropolitan home magazine in 2001 but listing photos suggest to your mama that some of miz pasquiou’s dee-voonly uncomplicated, kick-up-your-feet contempo-cozy day-core has since been altered or replaced, possibly but not necessarily with the assistance of miz pasquiou. listing information shows the single-level residence was originally built in 1940, measures 2,968 square feet and includes a total of 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. a row of high hedges, mature trees and other jumbled foliage comes together in a thick kerfuffle of leaves to completely shield the house from the prying eyes of paps and other passers by. A simple swinging wooden gate opens to the tree-shaded front yard where flagstone pathways criss-cross a rather anemic lawn and connect the entry gate to the front door and the gated flagstone driveway. inside the the day-core is decidedly simple and even spare but abundant natural materials used in the architecture keep it from feeling overly spartan, bare or coldly minimal. a trio of boxy, low-slung seal gray sofas sit on a rich red carpet the living room area warmed by wood floors, a massive stone fireplace and hand-hewn wood beams, doorway frames and lintels. a second stone fireplace anchors the voluminous dining room where cushioned built-in benches line one wall and a long row of wood-framed french doors open the room to the rustling tree tops and small deck peppered with clusters of potted plants. the simple but fully-equipped eat-in kitchen has mexican paver tile floor, wood-beamed ceiling, at least two dutch doors–and who does not l.o.v.e. a dutch door?–tile counter tops, and raised panel wood cabinetry with glass uppers. the surprisingly spacious master suite boasts a third, massive stacked stone fireplace, a heavy-beamed wood ceiling, and a wide bank of french doors that lead out to a secluded cobblestone terrace laid in a zen-like pattern of concentric circles. the attached bathroom has concrete walls, double sinks, wood-beams across the ceiling, a jetted tub and an over-sized shower stall with built-in bench, barrel vaulted ceiling and we, four-pane window for proper moisture ventilation. in addition to the master bedroom, two small but adequately sized guest rooms–one with deep window seat and the other with knotty pine paneled walls and ceiling–share a single bathroom. a shrubbery shrouded stone staircase leads down from the house to a free-form swimming pool and raised spa surrounded by flagstone terracing and a wide wood deck that sets sunbathers into the tree tops. tree shaded lounging areas offer respite from the almost always shining and often scorching southern california sunshine. the house was reportedly once owned by hunky (and closeted) homosexual matinee idol rock hudson and later by oscar-nominated lyricist gerry goffin ( the loco-motion, (you make be feel like) a natural woman, one fine day, saving all my love for you, theme from mahogany: do you know where you’re going to? ). miz lang’s current celebrity (and “celebrity) neighbors are many: nepotistic young actress rumer willis bought the house next door in june 2010 for $971,500, soo-blime stockard channing is a couple doors down from there, musician paul doucette (matchbox 20) and the original valley girl moon unit zappa live across the street, and box office superstar comedian will ferrell owns a sprawling hillside compound just down the road he bought back in 2006 from comedienne/chat show host ellen degeneres listing photos: p rudential california realty View post: k.d. lang lists long time laurel canyon crib

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Did Sally Field Do It in the West Village?

November 10, 2011
Did Sally Field Do It in the West Village?

BUYER: Sally Field LOCATION: New York City, NY PRICE: $2,550,000 SIZE: 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A snitchy little birdie told landed outside out window this morning and chirp-chirp-chirped that Oscar-, Emmy-, Golden Globe- and People’s Choice-award winning actress Sally Field (may have) recently snatched up a New York City pied-a-terre. Okay, truth is Your Mama actually read it in a barely-there blurb in the Gimme Shelter column of the New York Post this morning like everybody else. Property records available online reveal that just before Halloween a woman named Sally Field spent $2,550,000 to acquire a two bedroom and two bathroom cooperative apartment in one of the more refined and in-demand buildings in downtown Manhattan’s West Village. Your Mama can not confirm, however, the Sally Field who signed her famous name on the deed’s dotted line is the very same Sally Field ( Gidget, Sybil, Norma Rae, Steel Magnolias ) whose long and sometimes hilly Showbiz career has been on fire the last few years with the screaming success of the now canceled family (melo)drama Brothers & Sisters . So, for now anyways, this is just some celebrity real estate rumor and gossip, okay? Thing is, we love us some Sally Field so we can’t resist taking her real estate ball and running with it… The apartment in question sits on a high floor of an august 17-story pre-war building, a red and brown brick edifice of reassuring proportions designed by architect Robert T. Lyons, built by the Bing brothers–that makes it what’s known in local parlance as a Bing & Bing building–and completed in 1931. Handsome Art Deco-era architectural flourishes with a Greek key design embellish the facade. Originally an apartment hotel– hello Wikipedia –the building converted to a co-operative apartment house in 1987. Some of the children may recognize this building as the very same one where it was once widely rumored and reported sit-com and rom-com queen Jennifer Aniston was interested in the possible acquisition of a duplex penthouse then priced at $14,950,000. Miz Aniston did not buy the duplex. She bought, as it turns out, two apartments in another West Village Bing & Bing building. Records show the posh penthouse Miz Aniston didn’t buy was actually purchased for $12,500,000 by one of the many daughters of the very philanthropic co-founder of Purdue Pharmaceuticals , the makers of OxyContin . Anyhoo, we’re not here to speak on Miz Aniston’s sometimes fickle and inexplicable real estate ways but rather those of a lady named Sally Field who who may or may not be Sally Field and who just paid $2,550,000 for the aforementioned high-floor apartment in a fancy but relaxed pre-war building in New York’s West Village. The always informative real estate website StreetEasy shows the apartment, a successful combination between a studio and a one bedroom apartment, was listed with a price tag of $2,350,000, which means, as per our bejeweled abacus that this Miz Field paid $200,000 over the asking price. And what did her extra two hundred thousand get her y’all might wonder? Listing information shows 4-room corner apartment, fairly spacious by West Village standards where a puny 300 square foot 5th floor walk up studio apartment can easily cost $1,700 per month , has windowed exposure on four sides and carries hefty monthly maintenance charges of $2,426 per month. A long and narrow entrance hall with an excellently large walk-in coat closet directs traffic into a lofty living/dining area with beamed ceilings, large windows with pretty city views, and the first of two wood burning fireplaces in the apartment. Your Mama hopes somebody tells Miz Field that all that track lighting in the living room needs to be removed. A woman of her stature and eminence probably shouldn’t have track lighting in their home(s). Anyhoodles poodles, the simply designed but decently sized kitchen opens to the dining area over a long counter topped half with marble and half with butcher block. The dishwasher situated directly under the sink causes Your Mama’s heart to palpitate uncomfortably How does one rinse and load dishes in a set up like that anyhow? When we take into account this is a kitchen in Manhattan–and one must absolutely take in to account this is a kitchen in Manhattan and not a kitchen in a suburban mcmansion–the ugly dishwasher situation is somewhat mitigated by the full-size fridge/freezer, large window for proper light and ventilation, teeny-tiny walk-in pantry, and impressive amount of counter space. The living/dining room is flanked by bedrooms, each with two closets (including one walk-in in each room) and an attached bathroom. The master bedroom has a fireplace and a window in the walk-in closet but it’s also got green marble tile floors–What the hell?!?–and a petite, window-free bathroom. The second bedroom, only slightly smaller than the master, also has a walk-in closet plus cross-ventilation and a welcomed window in the compact bathroom where, somewhat regrettably, the stacked washer and dryer are installed. That complaint aired, we again recognize this is a New York City apartment where an inconveniently located private washer-dryer stack is immeasurably much better than no private washer-dryer stack at all. For two and a half million of our clams Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would hope and pine for a slice of outdoor space. Otherwise, in our humble and meaningless opinion, this apartment reeks of Big Apple desirability and can easily be fashioned into a comfortable urban aerie for part- or full-time living that would appeal to just about everyone perhaps but those poor people afflicted with the dreaded Real Estate Size Queen Syndrome, a disease that often and unfortunately goes hand-in-hand with the even more infectious Real Estate Snobitis. Until recently Sally Field– the Sally Field–owned a secluded estate nestled into the rolling foothills of Malibu that she first listed in March 2009 for $6,950,000 . The estate, complete with swimming pool, tennis court, and equestrian facilities was taken off the market after just months. The private property wasn’t re-listed until May 2011 when it popped up with a new, improved and much lower asking price of $5,900,000. Property records we peeped show was sold within two months. Early reports in the celebrity real estate gossip blogs and publications like the L.A. Times show the property sold for $5,650,000 but a closer examination of online deeds and documents shows it sold for $5,909,000. Make of that what you will. As best as Your Mama can tell the horsey estate was sold to a Malibu gynecologist and a Pacific Palisades-based clinical psychologist who bills herself as a “love and happiness guru.” listing photos: Sotheby’s International Realty via StreetEasy See the article here: Did Sally Field Do It in the West Village?

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J. Crew’s Jenna Lyons List Stylish Brooklyn Townhouse

November 9, 2011
J. Crew’s Jenna Lyons List Stylish Brooklyn Townhouse

SELLER: Jenna Lyons and Vincent Mazeau LOCATION: Brooklyn, NY PRICE: $3,750,000 SIZE: 4,400 square feet, 5-7 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms (total) YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today we’re going to piggy on the back of the cool kids over at Curbed NY who were–we think– the first to reveal the New York City real estate news that superstar J. Crew president and executive creative director Jenna Lyons and her soon-to-be ex-husband Vincent Mazeau have hoisted their beautifully (re)done Brooklyn, NY townhouse on the market with an asking price of $3,750,000. Miz Lyons and Mister Mazeau may not be household names for many of the children but they are certainly high wattage if low key players in the intersecting and sometimes incestuous worlds of international fashion, art, publishing, advertising, interior design, and etc. When this urbane and arty-farty couple married in 2003 they didn’t do anything so quotidian as stand up in a church or temple they barely (or never) attend and make a vow of union before family, friends, God, government and various business associates and professional contacts it would be awkward not to invite. Oh no, puppies. These dyed in the (double-faced) wool fashionistas turned it out but good for their big day, a catalog perfect late summer affair held on a bucolic farm in the terribly chic Berkshires region of Massachusetts. The event was described by Miz Lyons herself as ” a black-tie barbecue. ” He, shaggy-haired and pleasantly stocky, wore full Scot regalia–Scots? Scotish? Hello?–and she, a willowy slip of a thing, donned a simple but chic Empire-waisted white dress with a plunging neckline of her own design. At the time they were married she was an executive but not yet the creative director at J. Crew. He a strutted he creative stuff successful art director who worked with famous photographers. As she climbed the khaki-wearing corporate ladder at J. Crew his career seems to have taken a bit of back seat. Five years ago they made a baby boy and since then he’s (reportedly) been the goateed stay-at-home dad . Some reports on their marital matters say he’s continued an artistic practice over the years but Your Mama knows about as much about that as we know about the grooming rituals of the spotted hyena, which is to say absolutely nada. Many of the tabs, mags and gossip glossies who have discussed Miz Lyons’ impending divorce state she earns around five million bucks a year to creatively direct the J. Crew brand. The clothing company’s annual report filed with the SEC earlier in the year reportedly shows Miz Lyons earned $885,000 in salary and bonuses in 2010 and it is Mister Mickey Drexler, the company’s current chairman and CEO (and hardcore real estate baller ), who reportedly earns upwards of five million clam diggers annually.* *We were unable to turn up the exact numbers represented in the SEC filing documents we (briefly) perused online . It’s been reported here and there that the parting pair both continue to live in the family’s townhouse located in the leafy, family-friendly and brownstone-lined Park Slope neighborhood. None-the-less they’ve both, so the story goes, already moved on to new relationships. Awwwkwaaarrrrdd. We don’t know who Mister Mazeau might be hooking up with but Miz Lyons has hopped the fence and–as Bravolebrity Andy Cohen says–is now “swimming in the lady pond” with a fashion world gal pal she’s known for quite some time. Not to make light of the trauma of divorce or minimize the intense emotional upheaval that often accompanies it but when fancy and/or famous people–and regular folks too–get divorced the family seat often gets sold in order to divvy up assets and etc. So, like all the other real estate gossips out there who had read about their break up, we too knew it was only a matter of time before they put their much-published Park Slope townhouse on the market. Property records show Miz Lyons and Mister Mazeau purchased the 4 floor, 20(ish)-foot wide Italianate townhouse in April 2004 for $1,308,000. The house, originally built in 1800 as per listing information, has since undergone a transformative restoration wherein many of the retained and restored original architectural details now disguise all new mechanical systems including electric and plumbing plus 3-zone central air conditioning. We don’t really know how the house was divided at the time Miz Lyons and Mister Mazeau acquired it in 2004 but today it contains two separate if not equal units as shown on the floor plan (above). There’s a triplex (plus cellar) owner’s unit and a floor-through (rental) apartment on the garden level. A discreet doorway under the front stoop leads to the garden apartment comprised of 25-foot long living/dining room, full kitchen with nearby laundry closet, 1 bathroom and 2 bedrooms–one with walk-in closet the other quite compact–that both open to the south facing rear garden. Listing information shows the house has 7 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms but by themselves those numbers are (unintentionally) a bit confusing. Two of the bedrooms and one of the bathrooms is located in the garden apartment. The other 2.5 bathrooms and 5 (potential) bedrooms are located on the top two levels of the owner’s triplex (plus cellar). A quick pass over the floor plan shows that although the triplex unit has the possibility of 5 bedrooms it’s currently configured with just three plus a small (closet less) room that could, in pique or necessary pinch, be pressed into use as a bedroom. A classic stoop–and we j’adore an urban stoop–leads up to the gleaming black front doors that open into a small vestibule and stair hall. To the right a nearly 40-foot bowling alley-like double parlor struts its stuff as “formal” living and dining rooms with original wood floors stained espresso, deliciously over-scaled matching antique chandeliers, identical carved limestone fireplace mantels and, around the ceilings, doors and windows, elegant and intense moldings. The day-core, as might be expected of the home of the creative force behind J. Crew’s current sequins meets khakis vibe, has the look of a studied effortlessness, an intuitively curated pastiche of the old and new, hard and soft, finely finished and beautifully beat up. In juxtaposition to and (mostly) in harmony with the antiques and distressed wood pieces that echo the silent histories of all the previous inhabitants of the 120-plus year old home, there are tailored upholstered pieces, a soupçon of mid-century modern, and a lot of fur throws, animal skin rugs and wall-mounted antlers, antlers and more antlers. Two magnetically tall and slender doorways at the back of the dining room connect to the light-filled, south-facing, and fully updated and upgraded eat-in kitchen the opens through European-style French doors to a small balcony with stairs down to the terraced and fully landscaped backyard. A deep and wide, window-lined bay perfectly fits a pair of deconstructed armchairs draped in sheep skins and separated by a Saarinen Tulip side table and makes for a cozy, sunshiney spot for coffee, tea and candy. The kitchen, compact but high style, is open to the breakfast area over a peninsula of black Shaker-style cabinets topped with a big ol’ slab of marble. It’s probably not even ordinary Carrara marble, children, but rather a more exotic kind marble from Turkey or someplace exotic like that because, let’s be honest, that’s how these kinds of stylish folks roll. The kitchen strikes a perfectly minimalist match with a single open shelf to replace overhead cabinets but fails, as far as we are concerned, with the positioning of the sink at the short end of the peninsula (see floor plan above), a problematic location for a myriad of reasons so obvious we won’t even mention them. A private stair hall connects the parlor floor to the cellar. The stripped down space, accessed via a floating steel and wood staircase has exposed stacked stone foundation walls, unvarnished wide-plank pine flooring as well as pine-paneled walls, built-in bookshelves and storage cabinetry. The cellar contains a play/media room with gigantic wall mounted tee-vee and two even more gigantic black bean bags. Other parts of the cellar, according to the floor plan, contain a small workshop and built-in wine storage cabinets. What the cellar does not have is a pooper, which means the full bladdered must hike two full sets of stairs to get to the nearest facility tucked into the back of the parlor level stair hall. The expansive master suite encompasses the entire third floor. The large bedroom space retains all its original (or replaced) architectural detailing that includes yet another carved limestone fireplace mantel but was decoratively modernized with walls, trim and baseboards monochromatically painted a warm steel gray. The bedroom space is very sparely furnished with a bed that floats in the middle of the room and decorated with a few artworks leaning up against the wall. One of the room’s two windows opens to a sizable step-up terrace with voyeur’s view down into the djacent yards and through the tree tops in to the neighboring townhouses. An arched opening–that does not appear to have a door or curtain that would provide any sort of privacy at all–joins the bedroom with the bathroom, or at least the part of the bathroom with the crapper and the freestanding tub shower. The sinks are elsewhere in the suite. We do so swoon for the herringbone pattern hardwood flooring that looks like it might have been ripped out of a 18th century Parisian hôtel particulier but we are thoroughly perplexed and bewildered by the shower/tub set up. It’s not that we mind climbing into a bathtub to take a shower it’s that there’s no shower curtain to contain the the water spray. Nobody loves a pared down design moment more than Your Mama but it makes us need a nerve pill to think about what it takes to deal with that watery damn mess every day. You just know these people live up in this multi-million dollar house with half a dozen towels down on the floor around that tub every damn day. They must need a minimum wage laundress who comes in thrice a week to launder the towels and other linens required to keep, the walls, floors, terlit, windows and every other damn thing in that bathroom dry not to mention mold-free. Short, parallel corridors, one with kitchenette one with two sinks, connect the bedroom to the super-sized walk-in closet and dressing room complete with carved limestone mantel flanked by steel and glass shelving towers lined with Miz Lyons’ rather extensive–and wonderfully color coordinated–collection of shoes. One more flight up there are two large bedrooms that share a marble and tile hall bathroom. Between the bedrooms there is a laundry room and adjoining one of them is a rather small room without a proper closet that could be used as a bedroom (or any number of other ways) for less-favored house guests or live-in domestic staff you don’t want to get too comfortable. We don’t normally discuss the rooms of children around here. Partly it’s just a weird quirk we’ve made a policy and partly because we just can not bear the cutesy-tootsy and hyper-genderized day-core that infects a sizable percentage of children’s bedrooms we’ve seen. That said, we’re swooning over Miz Lyons and Mister Mazeau’s son’s playful bedroom that has both crisp white and dark muddy brown walls, yet another carved limestone fireplace–there are seven in the house altogether–and a ceiling boldy painted with vivid yellow and white stripes. The mixy-matchy bed dressings, jumbled stacks of books, orange molded plastic Panton chair and the saucer-shaped George Nelson bubble light are just icing on the cake. A cursory glance through available online property records did not turn up any other homes owned by Miz Lyons and/or Mister Mazeau. Even still, it’s almost impossible for Your Mama to believe that a snazzy New York City couple like Miz Lyons and Mister Mazeau do not (or did not previously) maintain a magazine spread-worthy weekend residence in the Berkshires, on the North Fork of Long Island, down by the Delaware Water Gap or one of the other less obvious areas around The Big Apple where savvy (and increasingly well-heeled) city dwellers like the Lyons-Mazeaus regularly rent and own second homes to escape the relentless New York City hubbub. Presumably and hopefully each will soon move to their own homes they will each do up in whatever style suits their newly divorced if not exactly single lifestyle and from where they will co-parent in a peaceful and orderly manner. listing photos: Sotheby’s International Realty Read more here: J. Crew’s Jenna Lyons List Stylish Brooklyn Townhouse

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